Instant Poll: Spousal Compatibility on Retirement Plans

Other than finally downsizing, we agreed on almost nothing. Wife got her way on most things but, in the end, she was smarter than me about where to retire.

Same here. I wanted to move south, spouse didn’t. Glad now we didn’t leave our family. Might all move in future, or snowbird for short periods. What a difference a few years makes.

We agreed on moving to Florida and have had an incredible time living in our community. What we didn’t discuss was that he had no interest in travel and I had years of pent-up demand! Nothing can be done but I now find myself looking for girlfriends to take trips
With and visit.
Talk about your expectations ahead of time! You might be surprised, as I was, and need to adjust!

Moved when my husband retired thinking we would make new friends & have tons of activities to participate in.
Unfortunately, my husband now has no outside interest's, has made no effort to make new friends & spends most of his time reading, watching TV, and sleeping.
I, on the other hand, try to make new friends, stay as active as possible and travel as much as our budget allows.
I still don't feel like I fit in where we live now. I would love to find another place, maybe another country, to live for a while at least, but it's nearly impossible when ones partner is perfectly fine staying where he is.
Time will tell, but at this point, we pretty much live separate lives. It doesn't make sense financially to split up, so we just live in the same house & get along as best we can.
Not the way I thought retirement would be, that's for sure.
Could be worse.

I always wanted ro retire to the desert but Vegas was too crowded and crazy so 3 hrs away in Prescott AZ meant milder weather at some altitude with Vegas weekends possible or 1.5 hr trip to the big city of Phoenix but plenty going on in Prescott. 22 trips there made friends but job cut dashed plans and went with wife and her family to Bogota Colombia as an excellent choice for housing, services HEALTHCARE and cost of living in mild weather so SS makes for a comfortable life with fun and culture.. given wife and stepson translators. Now to learn conversational Spanish.I can read a n d navigate town, stores and restaurantso

DiAn I hear you! What makes some men turn into sedentary recluses after retiring? My husband was so outgoing and active before. Maybe they age faster (we are the same age)? I worked full time too. Not sure why the changes, but very disappointing and I do a lot with my girlfriends now.

I wasn't expecting the comments that followed this article which I found it very interesting, but kind of sad that people are not spending their retirement years as they have planned. I will say that finding friends to socialize with is a great thing to do and volunteering is a wonderful way to make friends and provide a much needed service. When my mother began to fail in so many aspects I remember telling the doctor that she did a crossword puzzle every night and could sometimes answer Jeopardy questions before the contestants so I didn't understand how her mind was failing. His reply was "did she invite anyone into her home for dinner or a card game?" He explained that socialization was much more important. So take care of yourself and get out there and socialize and find some fun.

This from the Other Side!! A Guy!! I was on my own for a number of years &, frankly, I became very independent. While I lived in YYZ, SoCal, YEG as got transferred. I was an EZ Move. For Business reason's got transferred to YEG. Got into a Social Golf group & met a Lady who , i thought, could spend rest of my Life with. Yes; she had Kid's out on their own. She thought they would not get into a Martial relationship & have Kid's. She now has GKid's!!
Please understand that I really do not mind the above situation as sometimes you have to adjust. Pure & Simple!!
But; I do not like where we live & would move to-moro as little as an Hr. tops away. I'm turning out to be House only driven & I do not like it!!! Yes;; separate Bedrooms, little contact with one another; we exist. But I have to get off my Butt & be Social!! It is up to me to do & maybe Move On!!

I had tried to post a comment but it was rejected. Any reason why?

Hi Fionna,

Sorry you are having trouble posting your comment. Please try it again as your email address may now be unlocked.

Like many websites, we have put enhanced security measures in place to block hackers and other bad actors who try to post on our site. That might occasionally mean you have trouble logging in or adding a Comment. If that happens to you, please email us using the Contact Us form along with your IP address and we will either unblock you or add the comment for you. To find your IP address ask a search engine, “What is my IP address?” We do want to hear from you, and thank you for your patience.

Jane at Topretirements
--

The topic is compatibility, so it's odd and somewhat sad that most comments are about lack of compatibility. We all change over years, but this seems like long-term failure to communicate.

On our first date, my wife and I both noted how amazing our new relationship appeared to be. Despite some rocky times and issues (financial struggles, career crises, family concerns, all of it), we found a way. When it came to "retirement", we realized we had spent years seeking similar things, so what, where and how were mostly in place despite a dramatic, abrupt and risky decision to make the move three years early. For 19 years of retirement (and many years before), we have continued to explore alternatives although a couple of years ago, we agreed that we had made the right choices. But to this day we continue to try to keep our options open.

We are so fortunate and that is not a financial statement. The need for communication and compromise never ends. Our retirement did not happen completely by accident, though I think it's based on constant adaptation. Jimmy Buffett got it right, "happily ever after -- now and then".

I think that buried in all this is: communicate and don't be afraid to change -- at any age.

After reading all these comments, I continue to be glad I am single. I moved where and when I wanted, I travel all the time, I have tons of great friends when I want to be around someone and the peace of my little 2 BR 2 BA home when I want my own space. I'm not good at compromising and am so happy to do just what I want. Ah, now for a little shopping at the mall and a stop at the casino for poker and dinner.

What is most surprising is how you yourself can change in ways that would shock your younger self. I remember long ago watching The Waltons with my daughter, seeing the mother and grandma sitting on the porch staring out at the corn, and told my daughter if I ever end up like that, shoot me.

Well, after a life of go-go-go feeling FOMO if not in the midst of traffic headed somewhere, guess who now loves just sitting on the patio for hours staring at the birds and smelling the roses? Luckily my spouse feels the same…so far.

Compatibility and communication are necessary for any relationship, yes, but maybe we should be building our tribe, since (bummer warning,) every couple will end up a single in one way or another. Life is too short to compromise all the time, so have a wardrobe of friends and family at the ready.

We have often talked about how we have different opinions on a lot of things, but choosing homes and planning for the future are always in sync and we are fortunate in that respect. We both like four seasons, and living in a college town full of cultural events, but like to get away for a bit in the winter, just traveling around the south or out west. We have looked at places throughout our travels but neither of us have the desire to pack up and chance being unhappy when everything is right here. I feel I am lucky that respect, but we do keep busy and of course have our own separate interests and organizations. I know it can be difficult when spouses don't agree, I have witnessed that with our neighbors each winter. he has a touch of arthritis and a wants warmer climate, she can't leave her elderly parents and so they aren't very happy once the cold weather comes and it shows.