Is a Golden Girls’ Style Retirement in Your Future?
Category: Cohousing
February 23, 2022 — We have heard many people fantasize about home sharing like in the popular TV show “The Golden Girls”, which featured four older women having a ball sharing a home and life together. NextAvenue.com had a great article and discussion about home sharing recently. This arrangement can be financially and socially beneficial solution for many retirees, whether they are single or in a relationship.
Home sharing can take many forms, almost as many as the creativity of the participants can come up with. The simplest is probably the age old situation – a single person finds they own too much home for just one person. In exchange for something – usually rent or barter for services – another person moves in. Both parties benefit in terms of reduced expenses, additional revenue, or obtaining services they would have had to pay for like home health care, taking care of someone with a disability, pet sitting, or household duties. The various parties could be about the same age, but often an older person rents out to a young student.
Another, more complex arrangement is when two or more parties join forces to purchase or convert a home for shared ownership. They might be siblings (we just met two sisters who happily share a home in Tucson) or friends. This arrangement is more complex and usually is more permanent.
The advantages of home sharing:
The home owner(s) share expenses and/or get revenue to improve their financial situation.
Renters get a place to live for far less than they would have to pay on their own.
Companionship and social interaction.
Renters often provide myriad services in exchange for reduced rent, like home repairs, dog walking, home health care, shopping, driving, and maintenance duties.
The Disadvantages
Sometimes the arrangement doesn’t work out for a variety of reasons.
The parties grow to not like each other.
One party or the other doesn’t live up to their obligations.
Situations change – maybe someone meets someone and home sharing isn’t a good idea anymore.
One of the owners dies or has health issues, and the situation gets too complicated.
What people say about shared housing:
Over the years some Members, including frequent contributor Jan Cullinane, have commented about the benefits of shared housing. Another Member, Pauline M., had this to say: “I love the idea of “Golden Girls” style of living. I think this could become a more viable housing option in the coming years. Some home can be adapted to duel master suites to accomodate this style of living, and I suspect builders will follow suit if the demand is there. Although I am currently married, my sister and I joke about the eventuality of home sharing at some point in the future. I would the companionship and the cost sharing.”
When asked about home sharing on NextAvenue’s Facebook page, many people seemed positively disposed towards it. Others had varying degrees of hesitancy. Here are some representative comments made there (first some positive ones, then negative):
Patricia: I think I would do this. There would have to be a lot of deep conversations before hand.
Kimi: Not that I wish ill on anyone’s husband (including my own), but I fantasize about a Golden Girls house with my besties.
Rita: My 35 year old son and I decided to do this at least for awhile. He invited me into his home. I love to clean so that is a huge plus for him… we both have our own space and we are both benefiting financially.
Janet: When my grandmother was widowed and her two sons live in other states they found grandma a live-in companion. It worked out great.
Chris: I have a housemate for the past two years. It has worked very well, and allowed me to do some house projects I wouldn’t have otherwise has the cash to do.
Martha: I would if I could have a suite with sitting, bed and bathroom, and kitchenette.
Kim: In March I’m selling my house and moving in with a mother-daughter pair who have an apartment attached to the main house. The two are dear friends of mine. We are so excited about cohabiting and communal meals and sharing a studio space.
Debra: Not for me ever again. I only want to share with my husband and pets. My sister-in-law lived with us for a year when she was in college. Then I had my daughter-in-law and 3 grandkids living with me for about 13 months.
Jillian: Absolutely not.
Daniel: No way. Been there done that. And it’s hard to evict.
Shelley: Nope. I enjoy my solitude.
Mitzi: I would love to find a couple of ladies to share my home. I have advertised in the past but nobody responded.
If you do decide to share a home with someone
There are various sites where you can look for people who want to share their home, or for one to share. Those include the website http://sharinghousing.com. Jan Cullinane suggested that another good site is the National Shared Housing Resource Center: http://nationalsharedhousing.org/
Sharing a home with someone, even a relative you are close with, is a big deal. It is not something to enter into lightly. Many things can go wrong that cannot be foreseen. You might grow to dislike one another. Circumstances can change. People don’t do what they promised to do. Careful screening and background checks are essential with anyone you don’t know well. Some organizations can do this for you. You want to get to know the person you are about to share a home with before you commit, so a trial run might be in order. A formal agreement of some type is needed, one that spells out what happens if things don’t work out.
Comments: Would you be interested in sharing your home with someone else, or in moving into another person’s home? What would be the attractions, and the drawbacks, for you? Please share your thoughts and opinions in the Comments section below.
More about co-housing:
Comments on "Is a Golden Girls’ Style Retirement in Your Future?"
Louise says:
Not in a million years! I was an only child, have no children and live a very quiet lifestyle. I cannot imagine sharing my living quarters with anyone, ever. I prefer my solitude. I should mention that I do live with my spouse and an elderly dog but we live a very quiet lifestyle.
I worked with a guy who came from a big family. When his dad died the mom had s slew of kids to raise so she opened a boarding house for college kids to generate income. My friend was so used to being around tons of people all the time that when he finally bought his own house, he was lonely. I think it really depends on your tolerance level to live with strangers or even family members.
I would rather live in a tiny apartment by myself than live in a large house with a bunch of people. There are way too many things that can irritate you on a daily basis.
Sheila says:
Amen to everything you said. I have been thinking about getting a roommate but my house doesn't provide space so I can distance myself from anyone without feeling isolated in my own home. Not going to do it. I've been living by myself for too long to enable anyone to disrupt my peaceful existence.
John Brady says:
Rob asked: Anything in CA?
Editor's comment: Not exactly sure what the question is here, but you could use our Advanced Search to look for co-housing communities in that State. https://www.topretirements.com/Browse.html Or, use the California Directory to find CA cities and communities. https://www.topretirements.com/active_adult_communities/California.html
John Brady says:
Your editor's wife seems interested in home sharing. She often muses about recruiting a group of our friends to join together buy a former nursing home and turn it into our private shared housing retirement home, thus avoiding an old age living with strangers. Or, moving in with one of her sisters when the husbands are out of the picture.
Jemmie says:
I always thought this was a great idea when watching The Golden Girls years ago, but not my cup of tea. I did get to experience the concept through my mother when the Continuing Care Retirement Community we looked at suggested she try a new "Caring Cottage" idea . It was a nice ranch style home and three women would live there (along with an aide 24/7.) It was for independent living residents who were transitioning to assisting living. The 3 women did not know one another but all 3 had interesting backgrounds and had families nearby so there was a lot of visitors and socialization. However, there were many things that had to be worked out soon after they all moved in. One of the residents wanted the heat in the house turned up way too high, one claimed the remote on the tv all day and selected the television shows, and one was messy and her extended family was there too often. But the three women enjoyed each other's company for many months, although at times it was not easy. I think if you choose a Golden Girls life style it would be best to know the people you decide to live with and pick and choose your housemates.
Marilyn says:
I am 74 and I have four very dear (and old) friends. We seriously considered the "Golden Girls" idea and after a lot of research, decided against it. Two of us have children and three do not - the ones with kids wanted to live relatively close to them while the others wanted to be at the coast or in the SW. Ultimately the legal aspects became a huge impediment, like how would someone with developing dementia be accommodated? Or what happens when someone wants out of the agreement or dies or becomes physically incapacitated and needs caregivers? We missed the boat - the time to do "Golden Girls" would have been in our 50s when all of us were still physically healthy and we could have enjoyed a lot of activities together that not all of us can still do. If you are considering this lifestyle, get a CELA (certified elder law attorney) and explore the business side of cohabitation, that was the wake up call for us.
John Brady says:
Thank you!I often bring up to my kids (2 in30s unmarried but w/SOs) that if we could just agree on a location, we could buy one large parcel of land, preferably rural near a small town & not too far from a larger city with medical & easy shopping. We could each build homes to suit each family's unique needs - i.e. my son& gf are professional musicians & need a music studio, I'm disabled & don't want stairs. daughter crafts & raises bees, but then we could build 3 smaller homes to suit individual needs & share a building for things we all do like a workshop with tools & garage with pit for working on the cars, and geenhouse. I call it a compound, though that term has derogative perception. Seems a great use of resources & provides wonderful support for aging as well as great for children to benefit from older generation.Of course, we're a family that gets along & supports one another & I realize many aren't. I've often thought it was better back when families lived in multigenerational situations & have pondered why that changed & I find it rather sad. But now that my children are beginning to think of settling down & we're looking at retiring, this idea has arisen. Pooling & sharing resources seems to make much sense, though I'm certain I'm overlooking some pitfalls.
Thank you very much. Once again hitting home for me!
CAM says:
Laura,
Sounds like a wonderful arrangement. Although even living close to each other could work out well. I hope it works out for you all.